Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
