Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
