fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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