im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
