after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
