were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had sex on a roof
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
