I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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