Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
