her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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