That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
True college students do jello shots in the library
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