I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
