So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
