I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
