I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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