Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
