he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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