She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
