East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
