atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
