I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
