I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
high people should be assigned attendants
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
