we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
