Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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