Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
