How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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