corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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