dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
