I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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