So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
