is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
