I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
