I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
