You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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