she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
