Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
