Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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