I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
