New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The air was thick with penises
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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