thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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