Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
