do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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