Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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