Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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