I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
