After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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