i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
