Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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