Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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