gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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