We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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