So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
