i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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